Thursday, 14 May 2009

Why I Don’t Like Sandwiches.

A lot of you don’t know but I have a love hate relationship with sandwiches…. I love to hate them. There is just something about them that gross me out. Why would you put all those lovely things between 2 pieces of bread?

Here’s the complete low-down as to why sandwiches will NEVER make it to my lunch list.
  1. Soggy corners; Now tell me what is so appetising about soggy bread? The bread alone is enough to put me off! Yet for some reason the ‘food juices’ seem to congregate in the corner of the bread leaving nothing more than a gag worthy mess that you’re supposed to eat… and enjoy? You’re all on planet kookoo!

  2. Warm Ingredients that should be cold; You make a sandwich with cold ingredients that are clearly not meant to be left out of the fridge for long periods of time and then leave the thing to welt on your desk. Now before you go and say “Well why don’t you put the sandwich in the fridge,” you put that horrible thing in the fridge and the bread goes hard (yet soggy in the corners) and the food that shouldn’t be cold, goes cold and frankly hot and cold don’t mix! Throwing them all together between 2 pieces of bread isn’t going to solve the problem.

  3. Foods touching other foods; I’m not fussy but I do believe that foods should not touch other foods. Roast beef should not touch carrots. Chicken nuggets should not touch the sauce until you dip it. The yellow of the egg should not be broken or mixed with the white. Mushrooms should not be touched PERIOD, curry should not touch rice until in your mouth ect. This is why god gave us peas, so we could make damns around our gravy and sauces and the other things that need isolation. Yet somehow people put it all on bread and go for gold… makes me ill just to think about it.

  4. Salad; How is it, Salad seems the most inappropriate thing to stick between bread and yet it acceptable world wide. This is crime against good Salad. Avocado on soggy bread with salad dressing (just in case the bread wasn’t soggy enough all ready!) It should be punishable by death! And as for tomato. The guy who thought tomato would be the ideal filling sent that memo around. Did you miss it? He said he was joking!

  5. They’re expensive; 4 quid for a layered warm soggy lunch with everything mixed together…. YEAH RIGHT! I’ll go for the pie thanks!
  6. Bread; When it comes to Bread it has the triple B threat. It’s bland, boring and BLUURGG! Bread… yep, unless its toasted with butter on it (sometimes veggiemite but lets not get too excited here) I don’t touch it. And White bread should be out rite banned!

That’s about it in a nutshell. They’re horrible dirty things that you eat with your fingers. YUCK! Just the thought of them now is making me gag.

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