Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Work Quiz Night

Just in case you missed it, I’m not always the happy go lucky kind of girl. I have moments where I resemble a smaller, less green Incredible Hulk. Such moment can arise for a variety of reasons but there is one in particular that makes me very mad… people spelling my god-damn name wrong!

Last week at work there was a quiz night. Now me being me and never settling for second, my team and I won the quiz. Okay okay… the team I was on won, I was just there to boost the female numbers and write down the answers they gave me. But tomato, potato, I was on the team that won and I took home 1 fifth of the prize money. A whopping £17! (Honey… We’re eatin’ tonight!) So winning put me in a great mood, the money put me in a great mood, seeing my name under **WINNERS** spelt incorrectly on the company intranet… foul mood, with pursed lips and a head shake that reads “Who ever did this is doomed!”

Now I could have rung the social committee but I watch The Office and frankly, I’m scared of the Party Planning Committee. I imagine that’s what the Bank’s Social Committee is like. The woman on The Office is such an angry beaver. Lets be honest, she gives me a run for my money in the angry department. So the thought of ringing my work’s Social committee and putting in a complaint is low on my priority list.

If I were to ring them I actually have a list of things I’d like to discuss before the topic of my name even comes to surface:
  1. Firstly the lack of free alcohol at the quiz. We’re a German bank with lots of Germans. Do you honestly think we all pitched up for a quiz? Gives us beer, damn it!
  2. The food. Or rather the Iceland Chicken Nuggets they tried to pass off as food. Since when do I eat cheese sandwiches? Since when did people start serving sandwiches at a pub?
  3. Also the age demographic the questions were targeted at. How on earth am I going to know who stared in X film in 1954? Was my mum even born then? Do I look like I know anything about the Periodical table? Nobel element what now? Sod it, I’ll sit, smile and write down the answers my team mates give me.

I’m a self proclaimed righteous cow and I demand my name be spelt rite... but I’m fighting a loosing war. People will always make the assumption that I’m like all the other Kell’s out there, that is until they meet me of course. I can stamp and cry until the cows come home but people will always spell my name wrong. It just sucks that my name has been put down incorrect on the company intranet. How are people supposed to send me e-mails of “congratulations” and “you’re awesome,” if they have the wrong name. It’s just a sad cock up in the end.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Mirco Blog 1: 3D Glasses

I have a headache. Prehaps this is because I've been playing with 3D glasses today. You must admit, they're pretty snazzy!

Monday, 22 June 2009

Phileep and Flop - Lest We Forget

4 years ago, my brother and I had a traumatic event unfold in front of us. Our Beloved hermit crabs, Phileep and Flop tragically passed away.

It was while my parents and little six year old brother where away, that I thought it would be a great idea to get myself a pet. Now we all know I’m not a dog person and a cat is a lot of hard work. I could have got a fish but that’s as exciting as Monday morning at work. No, if I was going to get a pet it would have to be different. After much discussion and giggles with a friend, we both went to the pet store picked a Hermit Crab each.

Phileep soon became the love of my life. Phileep had pride of place in the lounge; he was fed only the best dried fruit and only the most expensive oats on the market. His tank was cleaned twice a week and he was treated like the king that he was. 2 weeks quickly passed and the honeymoon period soon died when Tornado Little Brother came home.

After a week of being denied any access to Phileep, the brother threw a tantrum and half. Mum gave in (and totally stole my thunder and the once piece of individuality, “I’m not part of this family anymore,” teenage angst.) And he too got a Hermit Crap. Like a French man in thongs there was only one name we could her, Flop. Phileep and Flop became instant friends and shared a bond that surprised everyone. Maybe it was the brother’s constant prodding, poking and racing that made them stick together so tightly? At the end of the day those 2 crabs were inseparable.

The brother had Show and Tell upon his arrival back at school. He was very proud to tell his class of fellow six year olds, “My big sister has crabs! She got one while we were on holidays” As you can imagine, mum was called up to the school to explain that yes, my teenager daughter does have crabs… HERMIT CRABS!

As with all good things, they came to an end. It was a hot January day in 2005 and the brother accidentally left the tank out the back all afternoon. By the time I realised where the tank was, it was too late. Phileep has died of heat exhaustion. That tank was like a mini greenhouse and there was only enough room in the water plate for one crab. Phileep had taken the fall for his beloved Flop. Over the next week as the three of us mourned, Flop became withdrawn and stopped eating. We tried everything, even giving her fresh fruit but it was no good. Flop sadly passed away 8 days later from a broken heart.

I never thought I would cry over a stupid Hermit crab but there was my six year old brother with a motionless shell in his tiny hands. He was shaking and his eyes full of tears. He cried for the whole weekend and refused to burry Flop. We had to sit him down and explain that Flop belonged with Phileep in heaven. Eventually we talked him around to placing Flop in a tiny box and laying him next to Phileep. 2 weeks later I was on the plane to London. I still think back to Phileep and Flop and the impact they had on both my brother and I. for a pair of $5 crabs, they were pretty damn special.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

I'll Kill you With a Tray

At work we have a café on our ground floor where you can buy Breakfast/ Lunch/ snack/ teas and coffees etc. People generally buy teas and coffees in bulk for their team. It saves everyone going down and you only have to go down once a week or day depending on what you and your team do. When a 'round' is bought they carry the tea/ coffee back in a cardboard tray device. The café likes to recycle these trays so they ask that you bring them back. People never do.

This where I come in. When I first started I got stupidly sick of find cardboard trays lying around everywhere. One day I flipped and went around the trading floor and collected them all and I took them down to the café. After doing this twice, I realised I was doing other people’s dirty work for nothing so I started asking around what was in it for me.

“If you take 50 down to them they will give you a free tea or coffee. Hardly worth it so everyone throws them away.” One of the traders told me. Granted a cup of tea does only cost 40p from down stairs but that’s 40p I could potentially save! Not that I buy tea down there anyway. 40p is a rip off! I bring my own tea bags in and take my mug down and ask them to fill it with hot water. (Yes I’m that tight but I’d rather have an extra 40p in my purse than pay for a tea I could make myself!)

So since then, I’ve been collecting 50 trays and taking them down for my free cup of tea. I’ve got a bit of reputation for it and people give me a bit of stick. It’s all in good gesture so no need to ring HR over it. But still, I had to show them that it was worth it.

So yesterday, I went down with 100 trays!
“Instead of tea, may I have a muffin today? I bought down 100 trays.”
“You know the rules, I can only give you tea or coffee.”
“Please, I worked so hard to collect all of these!”
“I can’t.”“Fine, I’ll take 50 back and bring them down to tomorrow for a tea then.”
“Are you seriously going to take 50 back upstairs?”
“Are you seriously going to deny the only person in this whole building who return the trays a muffin or at very least a piece of cake?”
“Okay, I’ll give you cake but only this once!”

So I went back upstairs with my cake and now all those who laughed at me for collecting cardboard trays looked on in envy.

Who ever said you can’t have your cake and eat it too clearly never collected trays!

I'm in a bad mood... don't provoke me, I might bite.

I’m having a bad day today. I’m in a right mood and ready to slice someone’s neck. Now obviously I can’t slice anyone’s neck at work. That would become a 'work place health and safely' issue and also HR would probably get involved. Murder at work would cause extra work for a lot people and I don't want to be hated by the people who pay me. BUT ripping someone on facebook could be the solution I'm looking for.

This girl I have mentioned before in one of my first blogs. She’s not the sharpest crayon in the box and I would be telling porky pies if I said I didn’t get satisfaction in the knowledge that I can out wit her. She's easy pickings and I know I should really pick on someone my own size but it's just so fun!!

So her facebook status read: Woop Woop keep it up boys, almost ova!!

She’s been going on about the Cricket Twenty20 for a while now. She South African and claims she knows all about sport but let's face it the girl can’t even use proper English and only seems to follow the competitions South Africa does well in.

Five minuets later she commented on her status: also want to know y people r booing @ the Twenty20 Games??

I want to know why she can't write the full word?!?! I couldn’t help it, with the mood I’m in, I just had to wind her up. Being South African I knew just where to hit her.

Because it's not real cricket. Bit like 7s, it's not real rugby.

I mean really. She should learn that if I comment on her status it’s generally to provoke her into saying something stupid. like this.

what not real? of course its real!! the 7s is like a small world cup, it only happens every sooo yrs..... If u not into sport u wouldnt understand!!

Now firstly 0 out of 10 for punctuation and grammar and 0 out of 10 for factual information! Secondly, she took the bait and now I can reel her in. I may not be into sport but I’m very good researching the topic I’m debating.

Well obviously it's a real game of cricket (sort of) but the ICC don't count it in the official ranking system. Therefore most people don't give a crap. It's just a bit of a throw about. Think of it as back yard cricket on an international scale! :D

As for 7s... Since 2000 it's been a rolling tournament that happens every year all over the world. Countries GENERALLY (Not always!) have their own 7s team that don't play in normal rugby. So again some people follow but on the whole, it doesn’t mean anything special. Justin loves his rugby just as much as the next South African man, in fact he even when to the London 7s this year. However he came home and said. "It's fun to watch but it's not proper rugby."

I don't follow sport because I think it brings out the worst in people and promotes segregation. I find that there are several nations out there that ruin it for everyone else with their bad sportsman like behaviour.

She didn’t respond. She never does when I open a can of whoop ass. She just deleted it. Shame really…


Update!!! The silly cow really doesn't know when to shut up! she just wrote on my wall: The 7s rugby has been going for ages, since my dad was a wee one. and for the 20 cricket is a world cup, These games r the T20 World cup!! SO YEA ITS VERY VERY IMPORTANT!! I think u r up set because Aussies didnt make it throu this finals.

Wow... where do I start? Do I go with the, 'I hate sport, I'm just winding you up but I'm bored now so piss off'' approach. Or I could go with the 'final bullet to the back of the head' approach.
I choose this!

I didn’t say it was a new thing. You said it only happened ever few years and i corrected you that it is a rolling competition. It has been that way since 2000 when the organisers realised it wasn't a huge money spinner and killed the cup.

As for the cricket, I didn't even know that Australia entered. Like I said, I don't follow sport. With the current state of the world I feel there are more important things that we could be spending money on. And even if I did give a rats about a bunch of over paid men running around chasing a small hard ball, T20 is a competition out on its own. Have a look at the ICC website if you don't believe me. I'm sure the Australian team would rather concentrate their efforts into training for a competition that counts for something. Like I said, T20 is nothing more than backyard cricket on an international field.

Also, throu is spelt with a gh at the end.

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Family Friendly Car

The boyfriend has a thing about Audi cars. I caught him last night look at second hand ones for sale last night online.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking at cars!”
“Why? We don’t need a car and that doesn’t look very particle it has no leg room in the back.” I was appalled that my sensible boyfriend was looking at a £25,000 car. What have you done with my Justin and when can I have him back?!
“What do you need leg room for?”
“Legs. Hence why they call it leg room. But more importantly, what do we need a car for? I’m not letting you fork out £25,000 on a car that we will only use for a few years.”
“How do you know we’ll only use it for a few years?” He had that cheeky grin on him face. “I’m not going to buy a car. Please what do you take me for? Besides, like I’m letting you drive my Audi TT. No you can get a Porsche Carrera. You would look much cuter in a zippy Porsche.”
“Yeah, a really fast one with no lid!”
He laughed at my serious attempt of car talk. Bored, I walked out of the room to let him drool over cars.

Talk of Porsche, Justin decided to search porches. All of a sudden he burst into laughter and called out to me! “Kell, come check this!”
I walked back into the room to find him look at a porsche advert. I didn't understand what was so funny.
“Read the advert.”
So I read the advert. One line stood out to me. ‘A much loved car. Quick sale or wife will leave me.’
“Now look at the pictures….”

I’ll let you be the judge of this?!

The Chick Magnet?

Monday, 1 June 2009

Spider Man Does the Washing

For anyone not living in the UK, you don’t understand the rarity of a sunny weekend. It hit a scorching 25degrees on Saturday and a whopping 27degrees on Sunday. Weather like this makes national news over here!
I thought I’d make the most of the sunny weather and do some washing. With the sun baking down as it was, I got up early and popped a load on. I hung it out and then repeated the process with a new load in the late afternoon.

“Shall we have a braai?” Justin asked after watching his second game of rugby
“We don’t have any worst and I’m not running down to shops again.” We’d only just come back from the shops and my feet were sore because I walked in my flip flops.
“Nah, we’ll just braai some sausages and have rolls with onions!” Justin was jumping up and down while saying this. Bless him; he’s a true South African man. Give him sun, rugby and a braai and he’s as happy as a pig in mud!
“Okay, but I’ve just hung wet clothes out on the line so before you start any fire can you please bring the clothes in and hang them inside.”
“That’s girl’s job!”
“Do you really want to have that argument… again?”
He sulked off out the back and started bringing the clothes in. I felt bad so I went out to help him/ supervise. Together we put the clothes in the spare room and started hanging them out on the inside rail.
“Go sit down, I can do it. You’ve already done one load today.” (I know, he’s so sweet and such a keeper!)
So I went and sat down and watched some telly. I could hear him singing and clunking around in the other room. After about 5mins the singing had stopped and was replaced by giggles. Now unless he finds hangout washing the most entertaining thing in the world, he was up to something.

I wondered into the room to find hanging clothes… on his head. When questioned why he was wearing my underwear like a mask, he replied, “Spider Man, Spider Man, does whatever a girl can!”
I dare you to find a man who can make you laugh like this!