Family Friendly Car

The boyfriend has a thing about Audi cars. I caught him last night look at second hand ones for sale last night online.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking at cars!”
“Why? We don’t need a car and that doesn’t look very particle it has no leg room in the back.” I was appalled that my sensible boyfriend was looking at a £25,000 car. What have you done with my Justin and when can I have him back?!
“What do you need leg room for?”
“Legs. Hence why they call it leg room. But more importantly, what do we need a car for? I’m not letting you fork out £25,000 on a car that we will only use for a few years.”
“How do you know we’ll only use it for a few years?” He had that cheeky grin on him face. “I’m not going to buy a car. Please what do you take me for? Besides, like I’m letting you drive my Audi TT. No you can get a Porsche Carrera. You would look much cuter in a zippy Porsche.”
“Yeah, a really fast one with no lid!”
He laughed at my serious attempt of car talk. Bored, I walked out of the room to let him drool over cars.

Talk of Porsche, Justin decided to search porches. All of a sudden he burst into laughter and called out to me! “Kell, come check this!”
I walked back into the room to find him look at a porsche advert. I didn't understand what was so funny.
“Read the advert.”
So I read the advert. One line stood out to me. ‘A much loved car. Quick sale or wife will leave me.’
“Now look at the pictures….”

I’ll let you be the judge of this?!

The Chick Magnet?

Spider Man Does the Washing

For anyone not living in the UK, you don’t understand the rarity of a sunny weekend. It hit a scorching 25degrees on Saturday and a whopping 27degrees on Sunday. Weather like this makes national news over here!
I thought I’d make the most of the sunny weather and do some washing. With the sun baking down as it was, I got up early and popped a load on. I hung it out and then repeated the process with a new load in the late afternoon.

“Shall we have a braai?” Justin asked after watching his second game of rugby
“We don’t have any worst and I’m not running down to shops again.” We’d only just come back from the shops and my feet were sore because I walked in my flip flops.
“Nah, we’ll just braai some sausages and have rolls with onions!” Justin was jumping up and down while saying this. Bless him; he’s a true South African man. Give him sun, rugby and a braai and he’s as happy as a pig in mud!
“Okay, but I’ve just hung wet clothes out on the line so before you start any fire can you please bring the clothes in and hang them inside.”
“That’s girl’s job!”
“Do you really want to have that argument… again?”
He sulked off out the back and started bringing the clothes in. I felt bad so I went out to help him/ supervise. Together we put the clothes in the spare room and started hanging them out on the inside rail.
“Go sit down, I can do it. You’ve already done one load today.” (I know, he’s so sweet and such a keeper!)
So I went and sat down and watched some telly. I could hear him singing and clunking around in the other room. After about 5mins the singing had stopped and was replaced by giggles. Now unless he finds hangout washing the most entertaining thing in the world, he was up to something.

I wondered into the room to find hanging clothes… on his head. When questioned why he was wearing my underwear like a mask, he replied, “Spider Man, Spider Man, does whatever a girl can!”

I dare you to find a man who can make you laugh like this!

I Think I'll Eat Some Worms

We don’t have children but we do have a cat and I guess he is short of our baby. He’s a funny little thing with a personality to match. He doesn’t really have a name; he just knows our voices and comes when we call. He’s a bit of a Ninja cat. He can catch flies in his paws and we have witnessed him fly-kick a squirrel. Don’t get him wrong though, he’s very loving.

Last night, Justin called me to the yard, “Come check what Kitty caught for us?”
I was reluctant to go outside. The last time he caught us a gift, it was a dead mouse.
“What is it?” I called from the safety of the kitchen.
“Go and look!”
Curiosity killed the cat (yes I am fully aware that wasn’t funny but I’d though I’d throw it in anyway. The pun was intended now leave it alone!) I ventured outside to see out kitty sitting very proudly in front of his catch of the day. “I don’t think we could own a stranger cat even if we tried.” I bent down low to pat him on the head, “Good boy but earth worms aren’t really a nuisance. Why don’t you go hunt a nice big rat and we’ll throw it on the braai for you.”
Kitty replied, “Meow, puuuuurrrr.”
Justin came over and together we examined the worm trying to make a quick get away. “Clearly, kitty thinks he’s on a diet and would rather a worst than a steak!”

We went back inside and left kitty to play with his worm. Oh well, rather worms and mice over birds.

Predator Cat: Hear him Meow!

Stimulate my middle finger and sit on it Mr. Rudd

Give this a read:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8071299.stm

This is so unfair! It’s all well and good giving money to those in Australia who fit the criteria. I thought it was a bit of warped idea but the people seemed to love getting cash for nothing so I haven’t complained before now. However after reading this article, I’m fairly certain I want to put a hit out on the Australian Labour Government.

How do you think me and many others feel when we find out the government has sent cash to those living overseas if they still pay income tax in Australia? What about those Australian citizens who live and pay tax in another country but then send their hard earned Pounds and Pennies back home? Talk about NOT feeding the hand that could potentially bite you by pulling out our money!

This is a kick in the balls on the grandest of scales. I work hard for my money and with the current interest rates it makes sense for me to hold my savings in Aus. I’m doing Australia a favour by doing this. I’m giving my hard earned cash to the Australian banks. It’s people like me, pumping cash back into the country through savings, investment, tourism ect that’s helping Australia ride the recession wave so well.

I don’t have an income in Australia; therefore I don’t pay income tax. And because of that you’re declaring I don’t disserve to be stimulated? Who died and put this idiot in charge? Common sense would say it’s the people like me who should get the cash as we’ve proven we pump the money straight back into the banking system.

I’m sorry Mr. Rudd but I think you’re a twatbag and I don’t like you very much. In fact I’ll openly say I never voted for you in the first place because I knew you’d go and screw everything up. On top of being a general twat you now go and screw me over for having a ‘go getters’ attitude and giving something back to Australia.

Well you can Stimulate my middle finger and sit on it Mr. Rudd. In your mind I’m just an Expatriate who doesn’t earn in Aus, therefore I’m not Aussie enough to deserve the stimulus package. Well if that’s the case I guess I’m not Aussie enough to pay tax on my savings either! You ask how I’m going to do this. Oh its easy Mr. Rudd, I simply declare myself as a UK citizen and claim it as an investment under XXX amount. That little British passport is more than just a ticket around Europe. It’s proving itself quite the meal ticket too! And the beauty all of this is, I don’t even have to forfeit my Aussie citizenship or passport. I can still come and go as I please and not give you a penny for it. Sucks to be you Mr. Rudd, sucks to be you.

You can kiss your percentage of my savings good bye and while you’re at it you can probably kiss a whole more than just my interest tax good bye. You’ve pissed a lot of Australian’s off over here and it’s only a matter of time before tax companies ect start to help the masses. Who wants to pay tax if you don’t have too?

Stimulus hand out. More like a ‘vote for me’ bribe! Stupid little man. I bet he has a small willie.

A Normal Sunday Morning

Q. What’s more funny than answering the door to Jehovah witnesses hung over?

A. Watching your boyfriend answer the door to Jehovah witnesses when he’s wearing nothing but a towel.

Q. What’s more funny than you’re boyfriend’s red face when he realises who’s on the other side of the door?

A. When the cat gets out the door and he now has to try and catch it, wearing a towel, while Jehovah witnesses stand on the door step.

Q. What’s more funny that a half naked man running around on the street, chasing a cat while Jehovah witnesses stand at his door?

A. His girlfriend joining in the chase wearing summer PJs and a pair of fluffy slippers.

Q. What’s more funny than 2 half exposed people calling, “kitty, come here.” While Jehovah witnesses look on in amazement?

A. One of the Jehovah witnesses calling out to them, “Is now a good time to talk to you about something very important?”

Q. What’s more funny than 2 half naked people standing on the street looking back at the Jehovah witnesses standing by their door.

A. the half naked people, one carrying a cat, heading back inside and closing the door behind them like nothing had happened.

Bloggers Block and what I'm reduced too

I have bloggers block and for once in my sweet 22years of life I have nothing of any interest to say. So please enjoy this short film about a chimp and a segway. I hope you find it as educational as I did.

Nothing but a bit of BOLLOCKS!

I used the word ‘bollocks’ the other day and was told very sternly that women and children don’t use that sort of language. I was quite taken back. I've never thought, 'bollocks' to be swear word. Granted it's not the most polite word in the world but would you rather me say 'bollocks' or some other descriptive word that would make my mother blush.

Without going into a rave about equality between the sexes and women’s liberation, I would like to point out the word ‘bollocks’ is widely accepted as an alternative to other naughty words. Please see the following examples.