Football and How to Pick 'em!

On Sunday Justin and I put together a packed lunch and toddled off to the football. I was very lucky and managed to get 2 tickets in a corporate box. Best seats in the stadium and they were free. These are the types of tickets we like! We arrived and met the folks we were sitting with. By chance we were only sharing with three others who were just as pumped as we were… for the afternoon out not so much the football.

The first match was Barcelona v some Egyptian team. I don’t even know their name, that’s how interesting it was. Final score was 4-1 Barcelona. We all sat around drinking, chatting and just enjoying the moment. We cheered at the appropriate moments and laughed when the goal keeper had to go off but not before he was poked in the eye by the ref.

The second match was the big one. The game that everyone had come to watch: Tottenham Hotspurs V Celtic. Now this is where I tell you that I haven’t a clue about football. I couldn’t even tell you who/what Celtic are/is. I was calling them Keltic until I was corrected in a fit of laughter by my peers. The only reason I know who Tottenham are is because they’re from North London, around the Seven Sisters area. Chav City! Taking my sever lack of knowledge into account, the 4 guys took me under their wing and did some explaining before the match started. It’s Celtic with an ‘S’ sound and they come from Scotland not Ireland. It’s ‘Spurs’ not ‘Dirty Chavs in Yellow’ and Spurs aRE the favourite to win.

The Dirty Chavs in Yellow to win? I was planning to put a fiver down and have a flutter on the match. I never gamble so I thought I could spare a fiver to make it more interesting for myself. I was going to put it down on the favourites. Let’s face it, I haven’t a clue and the favourites are always a safe bet. CHANGE OF PLAN! No way in hell was I betting on Luminous Yellow Chavs. Celtic maybe crap but I’d rather loose my fiver before I back the Spurs. I walked up the betting booth and asked the lady to help me place my bet. I don’t know how these things work and she raised her eyebrows as I gave her the blank from and my money! “Please may I bet £5 on the green guys? Keltic or Seltic, what ever they’re call.”
She started laughing at me, “Hun. Spurs are favourites to win. They are playing their first team. Are you sure you want to go for Celtic?”
“I don’t like Luminous Yellow. The green guys have a Japanese dude on their team. I think it’s pretty cool to have a Japanese dude on a Scottish team. I’ll stick with them.”
She filled out my form and took my money. “Odds of ‘the green dudes’ winning are 9/2.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means they don’t have a chance in hell and you’re pretty much the only person betting on them.”
“But at least they’re culturally diverse and even more so, they look lovely in their white and green stripes!"

I wandered back to the box and took my seat next to Justin. As I sat down I realised that while I was planning on rooting for Celtic, the Luminous Yellow fans were just below us… and in force. Horns, whistles, flags etc it was quite scary. The looks I look for cheering for the other side. Thank god for box seats or I would have been beaten up. I was clapping and cheering for Celtic. The others in the box took my lead and together we pissed off half the stadium!

The funny part was when they started to get up and leave halfway through the second half. I thought it was a bit unsportsmanlike like but you would leave too if your team where the favourites to win but have somehow ended up on the wrong side of 2-0! The more time past, the louder our box got until finally the final whistle was blown. I picked the winners based on shirt colour and I told them all! Now who’s laughing???

I went back to the betting booth with my winning slip. Low and behold the same lady was there.
“Well I’m not sure how you picked it but it looks like the ‘culturally diverse green dudes’ won.” Grinning from ear to ear I collected my winnings a bit like the Japanese dude did when the final whistle went.

So you may laugh at how I pick my teams, whether it is based on what colour they’re wearing, what area they come from, who has the most colourful shoes, who has the longest fly away hair etc. But who is the one laughing with 9/2 odds and a final result of 2-0?

Almighty Spurs- more like, Ew gross, of all the colours in the world, why Luminous Yellow!? They don’t stand a chance!

Kell V Man United

So last night we watched the football. Inter Milan V Man United. I’m not the biggest football fan. I just find the whole thing a bit chav! But anyway, The boyfriend asked who I wanted to win.
“The Blue ones. Inter Milan.” I replied without even looking up or thinking about it.
I could tell he was confused. He was expecting some smart-ass remark like I always give when watching the football. He’s used to me saying things like, “Who are the blue guys again?” and “When are the adds, I want to talk.” So when I managed to actually name a team and then know who I was referring too, he was naturally quite taken back. He patted my head, “Good Girl, you’re learning.”
“I’d hardly say being a FIFA 09 WAG is learning. More like force fed.” He wasn’t impressed with my quick wit and went back to the game.

At half time he turns to me and says, “How come you never watch the football and now all of a sudden you’re engrossed by it? You’re contradicting yourself. And why are you supporting Inter Milan exactly?”
“First off, it’s soccer. Secondly, you have a blue team and red team. The blue team look better, they also live in Milan so my money is on they don’t dress in tracksuits in their spare time. Thirdly they’re playing Man United who are more Chavtastic than a Kentish Town Council Estate. Cheap, tacky and nasty. Even Beckham left them! Win or loose the match it’s clear who the true winners are.”
The boyfriend shook his head, “That’s not how you pick a team.”
“I didn’t realise there are rules about how you pick a team.” If I’m going to support where my family come from then is should be supporting Arsenal but they were playing on the other channel and Justin was sitting on the control. In all fairness they’re just as Chav as Man United. Besides, who cares where your family comes from generations back. Do you think they would be pissed if you didn’t support the home team? It’s called jumping on the bandwagon and if you can’t tell, I’m against bandwagon jumping!

“There are no rules; it’s just that you can’t judge a team by how Chav their home city is.”
Want to make a bet?
The game kicked off again and my attention was drifting. Potato Head (Rooney) wasn’t playing so I couldn’t laugh at him (He came on at the very end). It was just, for lack other words, BORING! I sat there and practised my dirty war chants. Eventually it was over. 0 to 0. But it wasn’t a complete waste of 90mins. At least Man United didn’t win. In truth, that’s all I was hoping for.