The Awkward Pick-up

I’m sure most ladies out there have experienced the awkward pick up. Some random bloke does something strange or odd to get your attention and then when he thinks he has it he goes in for the kill… only to make the situation more awkward.

I’ve experienced two awkward pick-up attempts in the past couple of weeks. The first happened as Justin and I were walking up to the Wine Warehouse to bulk buy ‘the good shit.’ I was in a strop because I had run out of leave-in-conditioner and my hair was going fluffy. Justin tried to sooth my mood by telling me, “It doesn’t look that bad, fluffy is making a come back!” So now I was really angry. As we walked down the road I stormed a few paces ahead of him. I got to the corner of the T-intersection and there was a wanker in a zupped up car driving down the road with music blearing. Usually I ignore such twits but seeing as I was an angry little munchkin with bad hair. I glared my beady eyes straight into his as he got closer. I stood at the corner waiting for him to turn. He stopped and motioned for me to cross. So I did. I was now on one side of the road and Justin was on the other. The Twit turned the corner and hooted at me. I looked up and he smiled as he slowed down and pulled the car along side of the sidewalk. Needless to say that due to my mood I didn’t smile back. I had 2 words to say to him. One began with F and the other began with O. before I had a chance to say either word, Justin had caught up, put his arm over my shoulder and puffed out his chest like an over protective bird. Queue awkward moment. Me being me, I laughed my little ass off as the twit face drove off in a huff.

The second awkward pick-up moment happened yesterday on the Tube coming back to the office after lunch. I was approached by man on crutches. I felt sorry for him so I offered him my seat. He shook his head and proceeded to muster up the creepiest grin I have ever seen. While smiling this creepy-ass grin he balanced on one crutch while he fumbled around in his back pocket. His eyes lit up as he pulled out a business card. Now this isn’t the first time I’ve been given a business card. Usually you just smile and politely walk away. When you’re on the tube these situations are a bit more awkward. I smiled and politely took his card.
He nodded, “So, are you going to give me your name?”
“My mum always told me not to talk to strangers,” Unless they are incredibly good looking or handing out free-bees on the street.
“Cute. You know my name and number. What’s yours?”
When ever I’m asked my name by someone who is a freak I always respond with, “Mary.”
Thankfully the train pulled into my station. I quickly got up and politely smiled my good byes. As I made my exit, he did this strange squinty blink thing. I can only assume that was supposed to be a wink and I can only assume this was meant to lure me into calling him. It wasn’t and it didn’t.

As I walked from the station, I dropped his business card in the, ‘Mailing Box’ container inside a pub door. Someone will be calling him… but it won’t be me!